Breathe
by Kassandra Black
Summary: ME1 through the eyes of FemShep/Kaidan. Shenko initial attraction leading to eventual love.
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: This is my first fanfiction EVER, so please be gentle! Any reviews are welcome as I would like to continue the story and would appreciate the feedback. Enjoy! --k.b._

_Disclaimer: Bioware is the sole owner of the entire Mass Effect universe._

Commander Serena Shepard nodded in greeting to passing crewmembers as she made her way to the bridge of the _Normandy_. She had only been on the _Normandy_ for a couple of days, and it was about to go on its shakedown run.

"Drift…just under 1500 k," she heard Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau say as she approached the bridge.

"1500 is good. Your captain will be pleased," the turian Spectre, Nihlus, acknowledged before leaving. Serena saw him go surprised that he didn't stick around while she was there. Nihlus had been shadowing her ever since he had joined them the day before. She couldn't turn around without bumping into him.

"I hate that guy," Joker sighed.

"Nihlus gave you a compliment…so you hate him," Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko remarked.

Serena hid her smile. She loved hearing the camaraderie banter between the crew. They had only been together a couple of days, but she was glad to see how well the whole crew was getting along.

"Spectres are trouble. I don't like having him on board. Call me paranoid," Joker said.

"You're paranoid," Kaidan replied. "The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment."

Joker scoffed. "Yeah, that is the official story. But only an idiot believes the official story."

Serena had to admit, it was a bit suspicious that Nihlus was here to accompany them on a simple shakedown run. That and the fact that he was obviously following her was an indication that there was more to this mission. Something wasn't right. She could feel it in her gut, and her gut was never wrong. Navigator Pressly had mentioned that all they were doing was checking the stealth systems. Why, then, did it feel like Captain Anderson was hiding something?

_______________

Kaidan Alenko couldn't help but feel nervous. It turned out the shakedown was really a guise to retrieve a Prothean beacon from Eden Prime. He knew there had been something more to this mission. Now, here he was suiting up alongside the famous Commander Shepard as part of the recon team.

He had read all about the Skyllian Blitz and how Shepard had single-handedly held off the Batarian slavers. He hadn't really had a chance to talk to her since they arrived on the _Normandy,_ but he had expected her to be larger than life with all the cockiness that came with being a war hero. What a surprise she turned out to be. Not only that, but the vids did not do her justice. The first time he saw her in person two days ago he damn near lost his breath. She was beautiful. Her silver-grey eyes stood out against her lightly tanned complexion and dark brown hair. He wondered how she had gotten the scar that ran through her right eyebrow and then he stopped himself. She was his commanding officer, for God's sake. It wouldn't do him any good to be salivating after her. There were regs and, besides, what would a woman like Shepard see in _him_?

He forced the thoughts aside and vowed not to think about her in that way again. There was a serious mission at hand, and the last thing he wanted to do was mess that up.

_______________

Serena stared at the beacon before her. It was glowing and pulsating almost like it was alive. She removed her helmet and wiped the sweat from her brow.

"It wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up," Chief Gunnery Ashley Williams said.

They had run into Chief Williams shortly after they had lost Jenkins. Williams' entire unit had been wiped out by the geth, and she had been more than eager to accompany them to the beacon.

Serena sighed, glad for the small break. What started out as a simple mission had turned into an all-out bloodbath, or rather a circuit-bath considering geth didn't actually bleed. Now, Nihlus and Jenkins were dead, they had found out the geth were back, and, to top it off, all signs pointed to another turian Spectre, Saren Arcterius, as the mastermind behind the attack on Eden Prime.

Serena turned away from the beacon as she radioed Joker their location. She saw movement out of the corner of her eye and turned just in time to see Alenko being pulled towards the beacon. Her heart raced as she threw her helmet down and ran towards him, jumping up to catch him in mid-air. It took all her strength to push him aside, but she got caught in the beam herself. She fought against the pull but it was so much stronger.

She felt helpless as she felt her body being pulled up in the air. Her head tilted slightly back and a series of vivid images impregnated themselves into her head. Death. Destruction. Images so intense she almost screamed in pain. Seconds felt like hours and right when she thought she couldn't hold on any longer, darkness overtook her.

_______________

"Shepard!" Kaidan screamed. He felt his heart rise to his throat as he struggled to his feet. He had to save her just like she had just saved him.

"No!" Chief Williams held him back. "Don't touch her! It's too dangerous!"

A sudden explosion knocked them both down, and they saw Shepard fly through the air landing hard in front of them. The debris from the beacon showered them as Kaidan ran over to check on Shepard. She was unconscious but alive. He used his omni-tool to do a quick scan of her body but found nothing serious. Where the hell was Joker? Shepard needed medical attention right away.

Almost as if Joker had heard his thoughts, the _Normandy_ landed not far away. Kaidan gently scooped Shepard up in his arms and moved quickly toward the frigate. She stirred in his arms and groaned but did not wake up. The decontamination process seemed to take years and when the airlock finally opened he all but ran to the medical bay ignoring the fact that he could have just radioed for a med team to meet them at the airlock.

Kaidan paced up and down med bay awaiting Dr. Chakwas' results.

"Lieutenant," Dr. Chakwas began, " if you can't sit still I'm going to have to ask you to step out."

Kaidan sat down on the bed next to where Shepard lay. "Sorry, doc. It's just…it's my fault. I should be the one laying on that bed." He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.

Dr. Chakwas placed a gentle hand on Kaidan's shoulder. "Kaidan, you have to stop blaming yourself. It's nobody's fault. You were just doing your job."

Kaidan looked away. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that if it hadn't been for him Commander Shepard wouldn't be unconscious right now. His stupid curiosity got the best of him. A Prothean beacon was not something you saw every day, and he hadn't expected to be pulled into some kind of beam.

Kaidan sighed. As long as Dr. Chakwas didn't object, he was going to stay by Shepard's side until she woke up.

_______________

Serena slowly opened her eyes and tried to take in the scene before her. Where was she? What happened? Somewhere to her right she heard Kaidan say, "Doctor? Doctor Chakwas, she's waking up."

She sat up carefully, her mind still reeling as it registered the events of the past few hours.

"How are you feeling, Commander?" Dr. Chakwas asked.

"Minor throbbing, nothing serious," Serena replied massaging her temples. "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours. Something happened down there with the beacon."

Serena gaped at the doctor. Fifteen hours? The images in her head were still so real it felt like it had just happened minutes ago.

"It was my fault," Alenko spoke up. "I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached the beacon. You had to push me out of the way."

"No," Serena interjected, turning to him. "You couldn't have known what the beacon would do". She managed a smile. She could hear it in his voice that he felt guilty for what happened and it was all she could do not to reach out and squeeze his arm. She had this crazy need to reassure him that it was not his fault.

He looked surprised, but smiled back, his dark eyes grateful at her words. He moved to stand in front of her. "The beacon exploded. The blast knocked you out cold. I, uh, had to carry you back to the ship," he explained sheepishly.

Now it was her turn to look surprised. "I appreciate that. Thank you," she replied, and he smiled at her again.

Serena's breath got caught in her throat. What the hell was wrong with her? You'd think a guy had never smiled at her before. She had admitted to herself that she found Kaidan Alenko attractive the moment she met him, but had resigned to set those feelings aside. She knew nothing would ever come of it, and it was silly of her to faun over him like an adolescent girl. Besides, she didn't even know the guy. Sure, she had read his record. She had done that with all the crewmembers of the _Normandy_, but she had hardly said two words to him, not counting Eden Prime_._ Of course, she hardly constituted a barrage of orders a conversation. Still, there was something about him that made her catch her breath. She quickly turned away before he guessed what she was thinking. She sighed…this was going to be a long assignment.


	2. Chapter 2

So that was it. Saren was playing the Council like fools, and the idiots were letting him. Serena had learned from an early age to keep her emotions in check. It's what helped her survive down on Earth and at Elysium. But she was having trouble keeping her anger down.

_"Do you have anything else to add, Commander Shepard?" the salarian councilor had asked._

_ "You've made your decision. I won't waste my breath," Serena practically spat out._

Now, she was running around all over the damn citadel looking for evidence to bring Saren down. Because she _was_ going to bring him down even if it was the last thing she did. It was a good thing the elevator took ages to descend; it gave her time to calm down and formulate a plan now that Williams had been added to her team.

"Williams," she said when the elevator door finally slid open, "go talk to Barla Von and see what you can get out of him. Alenko and I will go see this Harkin guy. We'll meet down in the markets in an hour."

"Aye, ma'am," Williams said as she hurried off to the Financial District.

Serena and Kaidan climbed into the nearest transit and punched in the coordinates to Chora's Den.

"You're angry, Commander." It was a statement, not a question.

"Is it that obvious? I was trying to mask it."

"It's your eyes. I noticed they got darker after your meeting with the Council…ma'am."

Serena was glad she had to focus on the traffic ahead. She could feel her face getting warm and willed herself to cool down. She suddenly noticed how close they were sitting to each other in the transit. _Did he really just mention her eyes?_, she thought. _Come on, Shepard, get it together! You're not fifteen! He probably didn't mean it in _that _way._

She gave a small cough and cleared her throat. "I'll remember that the next time I get mad."

_______________

Kaidan silently cursed himself as he walked alongside Shepard. He couldn't believe he had brought up her eyes. He had looked away from her after he said it on the pretense of looking out at the view, but he could feel he had stunned her. He was so lost in thought he didn't notice they had already arrived at Chora's Den.

Asari dancers gyrated on one side of the club while the music played loud overhead. He almost groaned out loud. Great, just what he needed, to walk into a gentleman's club with his female commanding officer. He saw Shepard ask the bartender about Harkin, and they were directed to the far end of the club. Just as they were approaching Harkin's table, a krogan bouncer came out of the back room escorting another krogan.

"Back off, Wrex!" the krogan bouncer yelled over the music. "Fist told us to take you down if you showed up."

The krogan, Wrex, did not move. "What are you waiting for? I'm standing right here."

"Fist is not coming out, Wrex. End of story."

"The story is just beginning," Wrex growled. He nearly ran then over as he made his way out of the club.

"What was that all about?" Kaidan asked as he watched Wrex go.

"Who knows? Let's just try not to get caught in the middle," Shepard replied making her way again to where Harkin sat.

"Hey there, sweetheart!" Harkin slurred drunkenly. "You lookin' for some fun? 'Cause I gotta say, that soldier get-up looks real good on that bod of yours."

Kaidan felt the blood rush to his face. Who the hell did this guy think he was? This was Commander Shepard, war hero of the Skyllian Blitz! He was about to tell Harkin to show some respect when Shepard stepped in.

"I'm looking for a turian named Garrus Vakarian," Shepard stated, ignoring Harkin's comments.

"Why don't you sit your sweet little ass down beside ol' Harkin here? Have a drink."

Kaidan took a step forward to stand in front of Shepard. One more sassy remark and he swore he was gonna deck this guy. He felt Shepard grab his arm and she motioned for him to wait on the side.

He reluctantly made his way to the bar where he could still keep an eye on her. He had only lost his temper once before and it was something he had regretted doing. Because of that, he had learned to control his emotions. He told himself he was just being overprotective because that was his job – to protect his commanding officer. It had nothing to do with his own personal feelings, which he was trying desperately to suppress. He saw Shepard make her way towards him and he followed her out the club.

"You're angry Lieutenant."

Kaidan smiled as he recalled their earlier conversation in the transit. "It is that obvious? I was trying to mask it."

"It's your biotic energy," she teased. "It got brighter when we were talking to Harkin." He looked over at her and she winked at him. His heart nearly stopped.

"I'll keep that in mind the next time I get mad."

_______________

Serena felt that a little flirting wasn't so bad. She enjoyed being around Kaidan and it was a good distraction from the task at hand. She would have to watch herself, though. All her life she had always been somewhat of a loner. Her childhood was spent escaping the clutches of rivaling gangs and, once she'd joined the Allliance, she spent all her waking hours determined to be the best. She wasn't made XO of the _Normandy_ for nothing. She didn't have much of a social life or any close friends that she could think of. It wasn't that she wanted it that way, but she figured, what was the point of getting close to someone? Crew members came and went and she knew, all too well, the pain of losing friends in the battlefield. Elysium had proved that.

Ashley was already waiting for them in the markets.

"What did you find out?" Serena asked, though she needn't have bothered. Ashley quickly began detailing the conversation she had had with Barla Von.

"So the Shadow Broker ended up hiring some krogan named Wrex to find Saren," Ashley finished.

"Wrex?" Kaidan asked. "Wasn't that the name of the krogan being thrown out of Chora's Den?"

"You're right," Serena agreed. "I doubt there are many krogan named Wrex on the Citadel. He has to be our guy."

"Barla Von said we would probably find the krogan at C-Sec," Ashley provided.

"Harkin mentioned we could find Garrus around the med clinic," Serena said, checking her HUD. "Let's head there first and then we'll talk to Wrex in C-Sec."

As they made their way to the med clinic, Serena couldn't help but notice the view of the Citadel outside the huge windows. She was in awe at how massive the Citadel actually was.

Almost as if reading her thoughts, she heard Kaidan say, "Big place."

They made their way to the nearest window and looked out.

"That your professional opinion, sir?" Ashley sassed.

Serena could not take her eyes away from the window. "This isn't a station. It's a city."

"There must be millions here," Kaidan said leaning into the railing. "It can't be possible to track everyone coming and going. How do they keep all that mass from flying apart?"

"The Council represents more races than I thought. No wonder they're careful with newcomers," Serena stated. She had never realized just how many alien species were out there.

"It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together," Kaidan commented. _My thoughts exactly_, Serena mused.

"Or maybe," Ashley added, "they just don't like humans."

"Why not?" Serena said mockingly. "We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids, we have everything they want."

"Well, when you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you," Kaidan said. A blush suddenly crept into his face. "I-I mean us! Humans…ma'am."

Ashley looked over at him, a bemused expression on her face. "You don't get much shore leave, do you, LT?"

Serena suppressed a smile after looking at Kaidan's horrified face. She could tell he hadn't meant to say that out loud. "All right, laugh it up, Chief. I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."

"Um, aye, aye, ma'am."

_______________

_Open mouth, insert foot_, Kaidan thought. He was always so quiet and reserved, but there was something about Shepard that made him blurt out what he was thinking.

They were making their way back to Chora's Den, except this time they were joined by Ashley, Garrus, and Wrex. They were hoping to find the quarian that had information on Saren and the geth. Finally, they would have the proof needed to prove Saren was a traitor. The sudden silence broke Kaidan from his thoughts. Earlier the corridor outside Chora's Den had been filled with unbearably loud music, now it was unnaturally quiet.

"Looks like it's shut down," Garrus commented.

Kaidan doubted that a club like Chora's Den ever shut down. Something was definitely wrong here.

"I don't like this," Shepard said. "Fist must know we're coming. His guys are probably already waiting for us."

Kaidan waited. He could almost see her mind working as she formulated a plan. He was amazed at how quickly she adapted to the situation and then worked it to the best of her ability. Then again, that's why she was the hero of the Skyllian Blitz.

"Williams, Alenko, and Vakarian will flank left. Wrex and I will provide cover, and we'll meet as we come around the rear door," Shepard said.

"Fist has his own private room towards the back of the club," Wrex provided. "More than likely, that's where he'll be hiding while his thugs do all his dirty work."

Kaidan nodded. "On your mark, Commander."

They followed Shepard to the entrance door and quickly flanked left to the side of the bar. Fists thugs were hiding behind the flimsy cocktail tables and Kaidan, Ashley and Garrus had no trouble putting them down. He heard Shepard through his earpiece and turned up just in time to see another guy shooting at her and Wrex from the top of the bar. Kaidan felt the energy surge through his body as he released a biotic throw. As the guy flew off the bar, Shepard pumped her shotgun into the thug.

"Now that's what I call teamwork," he said and he heard Shepard faintly laughing in his earpiece. They all hurried to the back of the club and finally got to their destination.

"This is it," Wrex said as they stood outside the door. "This is Fist's private room."

"Any surprises waiting for us in there?" Shepard asked.

"Don't know," Wrex shrugged. "Never actually been in there myself."

"All right," Shepard conceded. "We'll just have to play it by ear then. I'll take point."

Kaidan closely followed Shepard into the room. He was not one to disobey orders, but he was beginning to learn that Shepard had the uncanny trait to always put herself before others – especially in the most dangerous situations. A wall separated them from the rest of the room and Kaidan quickly noticed that Fist wasn't alone. Two turrets opened up on either side of the room and Kaidan had just enough time to grab Shepard and shove her behind the nearest overturned table. Surprise showed briefly in her eyes as he slammed his body on top of hers.

"Take cover!" Shepard shouted to the others as Kaidan moved next to her to prepare some tech grenades. "On my mark!"

Kaidan slid a grenade to each turret and he heard Shepard shout, "Now!"

With their combined firepower they quickly defeated the turrets. Kaidan helped Shepard to her feet and a moment passed between them which was quickly ruined by Wrex.

"Shepard," Wrex interrupted standing over a cowering man. "Meet Fist."

_______________

Serena stood before the Council once more. It was hard to believe that mere hours ago she had stood in that same spot trying to convince them that Saren had gone rogue. Now, the Council had finished reviewing the evidence and Saren would be brought to justice.

"This evidence is irrefutable, Ambassador," the turian councilor said. "Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes."

"I recognize the other voice, the one speaking with Saren," the asari councilor spoke up. "Matriarch Benezia. She is a powerful biotic with many followers. She would make a formidable ally for Saren."

"We think the Conduit is the key to bringing the Reapers back," Captain Anderson supplied. "Saren's searching for it, that's why he attacked Eden Prime."

"Listen to what you're saying," the turian councilor said. "Saren wants to bring back machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy? Impossible. It has to be."

Serena couldn't believe how blind the Council was. Even after all the evidence, they still didn't believe Saren was looking for the Reapers. "I tried to warn you about Saren and you refused to face the truth. Don't make the same mistake again."

"This is…different. You proved Saren betrayed the Council," the asari councilor agreed. "We all agree he's using the geth to search for the conduit, but we don't really know why."

_What other explanation could there be?_, Serena thought bitterly.

"The Reapers are obviously just a myth, Commander, "the salarian councilor added. "A legend he is using to bend the geth to his will."

"Saren is a rogue agent on the run," the turian councilor said. "He no longer has the resources of a Spectre."

Ambassador Udina finally spoke. "That is not good enough! You know he's hiding somewhere in the Traverse. Send your fleet in. A Citadel fleet could secure the entire region."

"Or we could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems."

The asari councilor spoke up. "There is another solution. A way to stop Saren that does not require fleets or armies."

"No!" the turian councilor protested. "It's too soon. Humanity is not responsible for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres."

Serena was not going to give up. "I faced Saren on Eden Prime and exposed him for a traitor. I've proven myself."

The Council turned to face each other and then beckoned her forward. Serena could feel all eyes on her. Each member recited the Spectre responsibilities as they welcomed her into the most prestigious branch of the Citadel.

"You are the first human Spectre, Commander," the asari councilor said. "This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species. We are sending you into the Traverse after Saren. You are authorized to use any means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him."

"I am honored," Serena replied. The Council adjourned and she turned to face Captain Anderson and Ambassador Udina.

"Congratulations, Commander," Captain Anderson said shaking her hand. "Now, you're going to need supplies, a crew…and a ship."


	3. Chapter 3

Serena sat on the edge of the bed inside the captain's quarters, her mind still processing the events of the past few days. She laughed despite herself. Who would have thought the little orphan girl from Earth would grow up to be a war hero and the first human Spectre? Now, thanks to Captain Anderson, she was now in charge of the _Normandy_ – the best ship in the Alliance fleet.

The crew of the _Normandy_ had been great. They all accepted her no questions asked. Granted, some had their doubts about the newest additions to the crew, but she was sure that, with time, everyone would warm up to the idea of having aliens on board. Engineer Adams was ecstatic about having Tali around, but Ashley had already voiced her concerns about allowing the aliens access to the ship.

She got up and stretched while she stifled a yawn with the back of her hand. She had told Joker to set a course for Noveria. Serena figured it was best to confront Matriarch Benezia first. Bringing Benezia down would certainly cripple Saren as she was his ally.

Her stomach grumbled, and she suddenly realized her last meal had been almost eight hours ago. She quickly got dressed and pulled her hair into a quick bun. As she walked out to the mess hall, she was surprised to see Kaidan and Ashley dining together.

She stopped abruptly. Was that a twinge of jealousy? No, no of course not. It was curiosity. Ashley and Kaidan were complete opposites so it was only natural for Serena to be curious seeing them together. She grabbed her food tray and walked over to them. They seemed to be arguing about something but immediately got quiet as Serena approached them.

"Am I interrupting something?" Serena asked placing her tray on the table.

"Of course not, Commander," Kaidan replied. "Please, sit down."

Serena looked skeptical as she sat down next to him. "You know, I've got an open door policy. If either of you have a problem or just need to talk, I am always available."

Kaidan looked down at his food and Ashley just looked from her to Kaidan with a knowing expression on her face.

"Thank you, ma'am, but I was just leaving," Ashley said suddenly standing. They watched her leave, but not before catching Ashley throw a quick wink and smile in Kaidan's direction.

Serena raised an eyebrow at Kaidan who looked pointedly away clearly uncomfortable.

"I should get back to my duties," Kaidan excused himself, his face turning red. "Commander."

Serena nodded and also watched him go. _Hmm_, Serena thought taking a bite of her food, _definitely curious_.

_______________

Kaidan slid into the co-pilot chair and set to work checking the ship's systems. He couldn't believe he'd just embarrass himself in front of Shepard…again. After his outburst on the Citadel, Ashley had been teasing him non-stop. She had pretty much cornered him in the mess hall trying to get him to admit that he had a crush on Shepard when the commander herself had walked into the room. Now, Shepard probably thought he and Ashley had something going on and that couldn't be farther from the truth.

"Man!" Joker said, laughing. "You. Have got. It bad."

"What?" Kaidan asked.

"You've been staring at the same screen for about ten minutes. Who is she?"

"What are you talking about? Who's who?"

Joker rolled his eyes. "The girl. Although, I keep hearing this crazy rumor from Williams that –"

Kaidan was saved from answering when the console in front of Joker beeped. Joker quickly straightened up. "Commander, we are approaching Noveria. ETA ten minutes."

"I'm on my way," Shepard responded over the comm.

Kaidan had the uneasy feeling that Joker had been about to expound what Ashley had been guessing at before he was interrupted. He kept his eyes on the screen in front of him and hoped that Joker wouldn't resume the conversation. Thankfully, Shepard showed up and Joker went through the ritual of asking permission to dock at Noveria.

"Alenko," Shepard said, "suit up. Meet me back here in five."

"Aye, ma'am," he said, quickly standing up keenly aware that Joker was closely watching him.

"Don't think I forgot what we were talking about!" he heard Joker say as he walked away.

_______________

Serena was beginning to realize that trouble followed her wherever she went, more so on the road to being a Spectre. Sure, she had her run-ins with the law when she was a kid, but she had just been trying to survive the slums. And, at Elysium, she did what came naturally to her – protect others.

A firefight in the wards on the Citadel, another on Noveria trying to retrieve Lorik Quin's intel, and yet another against the geth in the garage on Noveria. Yep, trouble had a funny way of showing up wherever she went.

Now, they were finally heading out to Peak 15. How they all managed to cram in the borrowed Mako was beyond her. She was driving with Kaidan navigating from the passenger seat. Ashley was sitting in the back seat squeezed next to Wrex. Ashley and Wrex looked rather uncomfortable with the seating arrangements, but they were in a hurry and Serena vowed to rearrange them on their way back.

She was having enough trouble driving the Mako without Ashley and Wrex complaining like little kids from the back seat. The damn vehicle kept sliding down the frozen embankments, and it was all she could do to keep it from going over the side. Why didn't anyone think to place a barrier along the road? Who knew how many vehicles were lost just by going over the edge of the cliff?

She was just easing the Mako over a small hill when Kaidan broke her concentration. "Hostiles at twelve o'clock!"

Serena cursed under her breath – more geth. "Alenko, man the machine gun. Who can reach the cannon from back there?"

"I think I can," Wrex grunted and she heard Ashley groan as he adjusted himself.

Serena moved the Mako forward and used the thrusters to get them over the hill. Kaidan and Wrex both got to work while she moved the vehicle to avoid getting hit. It was tricky, but they managed to get rid of them right away. Serena kept driving and, no sooner had they reached the next bend in the road that another wave of geth was waiting for them. The troopers were no problem, but the juggernaut was proving to be more difficult.

"Brace yourselves!" she said as the Mako was hit by a rocket. The vehicle shook, but the shields held as she tried to maneuver them into a better position.

She hit the thrusters and narrowly avoided another rocket, but, with the unstable frozen ground, the Mako twisted in the air causing it to face in the opposite direction when it landed.

"Shepard, I can't –"

"I know, Wrex. Just hang on." Serena put the vehicle in reverse and slammed her foot on the gas pedal. The Mako swerved wildly before righting itself on a straight path – right towards the last remaining juggernaut.

The impact jarred them all from their seats. Serena half landed on Kaidan's lap. She felt his strong arms catch her before her head hit the passenger door.

"Commander! Are you all right?" Kaidan asked, his arms still around her.

Serena looked up to see the concern in his eyes. "I-I'm fine," she managed and, in that brief moment as she looked into his eyes still enveloped in his arms, she felt…safe. Loud groans and curses coming from the back seat broke her out of her reverie. She blinked and added, "Thank you."

He nodded as he helped her back to her seat.

"Is everyone ok?" she asked, turning to Ashley and Wrex. They all nodded still groaning. They were a little banged up, but at least they were alive.

"Dammit, Shepard," Wrex grunted, massaging his arm. "At least warn us when you're gonna pull a stunt like that."

Serena shot him a smile. "I _did_ tell you guys to hang on." She turned back and put the vehicle in drive. "Let's go see what other surprises Benezia has waiting for us."

_______________

Kaidan was in awe of Commander Shepard – he wasn't afraid to admit it. Her calm, cool, and collected approach to battle made him think that nothing fazed her. He knew of her heroic actions at Elysium, but to actually see her in action was incredible.

They had fought their way into Peak 15 – geth, swarms of rachni…even an asari commando. Shepard had led the way, directing them into each battle with the utmost efficiency. He had gained access to the station's VI, Mira, allowing the use of the trams. Now, they were finally facing Benezia.

Benezia called wave after wave of asari commandos and geth, but she was no match for Shepard. Shepard was an artist on the battlefield. She vaulted over crates, pumped her shotgun into the enemies, and directed them into position all without missing a heartbeat. She knew her squad's strengths and weaknesses, and they all worked together beautifully. He and Wrex used their biotics and, while they recharged, Ashley and Shepard took over the assault.

And, finally, with Benezia defeated, the rachni queen released, and the problem in the hot labs taken care of, they headed back to Peak 15 through the trams. Kaidan sagged against the side of the tram exhausted. After Eden Prime, he made a promise to himself that he wasn't going to hold his biotics back anymore. He had given his all and felt a sense of pride at what they accomplished. He looked over at Shepard who was standing near the front of the tram. Her brow was furrowed, and she looked lost in thought. He sighed, looking away and saw both Ashley and Wrex staring at him, grinning. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. _Great_, he thought, _now Wrex was going to hound him about Shepard, too_.

_______________

_ Images of death, pain, torture. Flashes of planets destroyed. Horrible, horrible pain. A Reaper reaching for her, getting closer. She could feel the pain, the sadness. The Reaper flashed once more, the pain in her head intensifying – _

Serena awoke with a start. She sat up in bed rubbing her eyes and trying to process the images in her head. Always the same dream – or rather nightmare – since Eden Prime. She knew it was late, and her body begged her for sleep. The endless fighting on Peak 15 had left her body exhausted. Her mind, however, was now wide awake. She decided to see if Dr. Chakwas could give her something to help her sleep.

She pushed the cover aside and got out of bed. She was wearing a tank top and some light pajama bottoms and decided to take her chances walking out like that. She doubted anyone would be out at this time, sure that the late shift skeleton crew would be up on the CIC deck. Besides, the medical bay was close by.

She peeked out the door, relieved no one was in the mess hall and tiptoed across the deck. Her bare feet barely made a sound as she reached the door to the med bay. She tucked a curtain of hair behind her ear and hesitated. Surely, Dr. Chakwas was asleep. Serena didn't expect her to be available twenty four hours a day. Still, it wouldn't hurt to go inside and _at least_ check to see if the doc was available.

She moved in closer, the door opening and quickly shutting behind her. Serena took a few tentative steps forward and then stopped. It was dark. All the lights had, literally, been turned off. She fought to suppress the wave of panic that was building up inside. She had always been afraid of the dark. She knew it was a ridiculous phobia, but it was something she had never been able to get rid of. Put her in a room full of criminals and she would take them all down in a heartbeat, but lock her in a dark room by herself and she would likely die of fright.

She took a few deep breaths and willed herself to calm down. She was on the _Normandy_ after all…nothing scary was going to be hiding here.

"Commander?"

Serena jumped and clutched a hand to her chest as a dim light came on. She had instinctively reached for her shotgun before realizing she wasn't carrying her weapon.

"Jesus, Alenko!" she gasped. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I just didn't expect anyone to come into the med bay so late."

Serena took a deep breath suddenly embarrassed at the way she had reacted. "No, I'm sorry. It's just…it was so _dark_ in here and I didn't see you." She had let her fear get the best of her. It looked like Kaidan had been lying down on the bed nearest the door. Any good soldier would have sensed someone in the room.

"You're…afraid of the dark…ma'am?" Kaidan asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Lieutenant," she retorted, smiling back. "How'd you know it was me anyway?"

Now, it was Kaidan who looked embarrassed. He went back to the bed he had been laying on, leaned against it and crossed him arms over his chest.

"It's your smell."

She followed him and sat cross-legged on the bed next to his. She scrunched up her nose. "My smell?"

"You, uh, smell like orchids." He was suddenly very interested in picking a piece of thread on his shirt.

Serena barely had time to gush inwardly at what he said when she suddenly realized he was still dressed in his fatigues.

"How long have you been here?" she asked, concerned. Benezia and her small army had been a tough opponent, but there was nothing to indicate Kaidan had been injured.

"Since I got off-duty a few hours ago," he explained. "Another migraine. The lights bother me so Dr. Chakwas turned them off before she went to bed."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better now that yo –" he paused, "now that I've rested."

Serena smiled. She was aware that she was still in her pajamas, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. She drew her knees up to her chest and put her arms around them. She was inexplicably drawn to him. She liked the way she felt when she was around him.

"You came to see Dr. Chakwas?" he asked.

Serena blinked. She had forgotten why she had gone there in the first place. "I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe she could give me something," she said, shrugging.

"Well, that makes two of us that can't sleep."

"Alenko, if I'm bothering you in any way – "

"No, I didn't mean…of course you're not bothering me. I'm just not used to talking to people. I usually tend to keep to myself because of my migraines. The more lights and noise, the more frequent my migraines are."

"I see," she said, resting her chin on her knees. "Well, seeing as we both can't sleep, why don't you tell me about yourself? I'm really interested in learning about your biotic training."

_______________

Kaidan yawned as he ate his breakfast the next morning. He was dead tired, but it was worth it. He could still make out the smell of orchids every time he closed his eyes. He had been surprised when Shepard had walked into the med bay. Even more surprised when he had turned on the light and saw that she was in pajamas.

He had almost stopped breathing. She had looked so different from the Commander Shepard in uniform. Last night, she had just been Shepard. It took all he had to not reach out and touch her. He wanted to run his fingers through her long hair, inhale her sweet smell up close, taste her full lips…

If he kept thinking like that, he would never be able to sleep. Then again, not sleeping might mean running into her again. He laughed to himself as he remembered their talk. She was genuinely interested in his training and abilities. He obliged her by talking about Brain Camp. He had been about to ask her about herself when Dr. Chakwas came out of her quarters and shooed them out of med bay so they could get some actual sleep.

Kaidan leaned back in his chair and stretched. He remembered the way she felt in his arms after she had crashed the Mako into the juggernaut. They way something passed between them every time they were close. The soft look in her eyes when he talked to her.

He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned inwardly. He was falling for her.


	4. Chapter 4

Serena looked up at the asari floating before her. It had an almost comical effect, and she would have laughed had it not been for the seriousness of the situation. She input the code to release her and heard her drop to the floor.

"Any idea how we get out of this place?" Kaidan asked.

"Yes, there is an elevator back in the center of the tower. It should take us out of here," Liara said leading them towards the elevator. "I still can't believe all this. Why would the geth come after me? Do you think Benezia's involved?"

Serena looked over at Ashley and Kaidan unsure of whether to tell Liara that Benezia had not only been involved with Saren but that she was also dead.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "Saren's looking for the Conduit. You're a Prothean expert. He probably wants you to help him find it."

Serena gave him a grateful look. Telling Liara that her mother was dead was not something she was looking forward to.

"The Conduit?" Liara asked, a puzzled look on her face. "But I don't – "

The ground shook violently.

"What the hell was that?" Ashley asked looking around.

"These ruins are not stable. The mining laser must have triggered a seismic event," Liara explained, already pushing the button on the elevator. "We have to hurry! The whole place is caving in!"

"Joker!" Serena said as the elevator took them up. "Get the _Normandy_ airborne and lock in on my signal! On the double, mister!"

"Aye, aye, Commander," Joker responded over the comm. "Secure and aweigh. ETA eight minutes."

The elevator stopped, and Serena saw that they weren't the only ones left at the dig site. A krogan was waiting for them accompanied by a few geth.

"Surrender. Or don't. That would be more fun," he growled at them. "Hand over the asari."

Great, she didn't have time for this. The place was falling apart by the second. "No, thanks. She stays with us." She pulled out her weapon ready for a fight.

The krogan laughed picking up his own weapon, but Serena was faster than him. Her team quickly disposed of them, but now she was seriously worried about the stability of the ruins. The walls were starting to crumble around them.

The ground shook again, and they had to steady themselves as they ran toward the exit. Serena stayed back making sure her team and Liara would make it out safely.

"Move, move, move!" she ushered behind them as chunks of rocks showered all around.

Ashley led the way with Liara not far behind. Kaidan trailed back, waiting for Serena to catch up to them. She weaved in and out of the falling debris suddenly losing her footing on some loose gravel.

"Commander!" he exclaimed.

He started back toward her, but she stopped him. "I'm fine," she said, her ankle throbbing with pain as she got back up. Satisfied that she was all right, he continued running. Serena lagged behind half running, half limping when she saw a huge boulder dislodge itself from the wall.

"Alenko, watch out!" she warned, her heart jumping to her throat, but it was too late. She saw the rock clip the side of Kaidan's helmet before slamming into his shoulder. He stumbled but managed to keep running, clutching his shoulder. She could see the entrance ahead – they were almost there!

The boulder, however, had caused an almost wild domino effect. Huge chunks of rocks began cascading down the wall. She saw Kaidan stumble again. Adrenaline rushed over her as she sped up ignoring the pain in her ankle. She dove and tackled Kaidan toward the exit as the dig site collapsed behind them.

Serena cradled Kaidan's head with one arm while the other circled firmly around his waist. They rolled halfway down the ramp before stopping. The dust settled around them, and she coughed as Ashley and Liara ran up to them. Kaidan groaned, and she looked down to see that he was bleeding profusely. The boulder had ripped right through his armor leaving a deep gash on his shoulder. She quickly applied some medigel, but he had already lost a lot of blood.

She turned to Ashley. "Radio Joker and tell him we need Dr. Chakwas down here," she ordered as she gently removed Kaidan's helmet. He was pale, and his eyes were closed.

She ripped off her own helmet and put pressure on his wound, though she knew the medigel would do its work. He groaned again but did not open his eyes. Her other hand found his cheek as she willed him to wake up. He looked bad.

"Stay with me. Come on!" she pleaded, almost in a whisper. "Stay with me, Kaidan!"

At the sound of his name, his eyes fluttered open. They looked at her, slightly unfocused. He gave her a slight frown, almost like he didn't know who she was, and mumbled something that sounded like "angel".

Before she could respond, she felt hands pulling her away. Dr. Chakwas and her crew had arrived. She saw them place Kaidan on a gurney and followed them into the _Normandy_. She was worried – Kaidan had lost so much blood – but she had faith in Dr. Chakwas.

She quickly checked in with Ashley and Liara, making sure they hadn't been injured and then made her way up to the bridge. Kaidan's injury made her realize that they needed a break. They had been working non-stop since she became a Spectre. Day after day, they had not only been chasing down leads for Saren's whereabouts, but also running side errands for the Alliance. They were exhausted, and her crew needed some shore leave before they all burned out.

"Too close, Commander," Joker said as she approached. "The _Normandy_ isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull." He turned around laughing at his own sarcasm, but quickly stopped when he saw her. "Commander, you're bleeding!"

Serena looked down at her armor. "It's not my blood," she said, thinking of Kaidan. "Set a course for the Citadel. We're going to get some much needed shore leave. If anyone needs me, I'll be in the medbay."

The pain in her ankle had returned, and she limped away. She didn't care what Dr. Chakwas said. She was going to stay by Kaidan's side until he woke up.

_______________

_Kaidan…stay with me, Kaidan._

Kaidan's mind was foggy as he opened his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and automatically knew he was in the med bay. What had happened? He vaguely remembered running through the dig site. A large boulder had hit him and…that was it. He couldn't remember anything after that.

A sweet smell caught his senses, and he tried pulling himself up, groaning at the pain in his shoulder. A pair of hands gently pushed his chest back down.

"Oh, no you don't. Dr. Chakwas would skin me alive if I let you get up," Shepard said, rearranging the pillows behind him so that he could at least sit up.

He was surprised to see her there. Her fingers had felt blissfully hot against his chest, and he was disappointed that her hands hadn't lingered longer. He leaned back against the pillows and pulled the blanket up to his neck, keenly aware that he wasn't wearing a shirt. Shepard laughed, the sound music to his ears, making him smile.

"Calm down, Lieutenant. I'm not going to jump you right here," she said, sitting on the edge of his bed with her legs dangling over the side. "Besides, you're not covering up anything I haven't already seen."

He raised his eyebrows at her and felt his face get hot. She laughed again, her eyes twinkling as she patted his arm. His breath caught in his chest at her touch. She looked at him, her silver eyes turning thoughtful. He shifted his body, allowing her hand to slide down his arm, goosebumps rising on his flesh, before catching her hand in his. Her eyes widened as he began drawing circles into her palm with his thumb. He was amazed at how just holding hands made him not just want her, but _need_ her. His heart was beating wildly. This was their moment – _his_ moment to –

The door to the med bay swooshed open. Kaidan slammed back against the pillows, the sudden action causing pain to shoot up his shoulder. Shepard had jumped off the bed, cursing as her knee hit the side of a table rattling the medical instruments that were on it.

Joker stopped at the entrance of med bay, the door closing behind him. He looked from Kaidan to Shepard. Kaidan held his breath and knew that he looked guilty – like he had done something he wasn't supposed to. Of all the people to come visit him while Shepard was here, it had to be Joker.

"Is something wrong?" Shepard asked, massaging her knee.

Joker raised an eyebrow, a mischievous look in his eyes. "I could ask you the same thing."

_Touché, Mr. Moreau_, Kaidan thought, deciding to keep quiet and see what would come of it.

"I just…I came to see Kaid – Alenko," she blurted. "I came to see how Lieutenant Alenko was doing."

Shepard look flustered as she quickly straightened up and tried to put on a serious don't-mess-with-me face but failing. His heart skipped a beat as he realized that _he_ had been the one to break her "Commander" mode.

"Me too," Joker replied nonchalantly, though it was obvious he knew he had just walked in on a private moment.

"Well, okay…then. Glad to see you're fine, Lieutenant," she patted Kaidan's shoulder rather roughly causing him to wince in pain. "I'll just leave you to your visit."

"Well, okay then," Joker said with a serious face.

She backed into Dr. Chakwas' desk, steadying herself before turning quickly and making her way out.

Joker turned to look at him, bringing up a chair and rubbing his hands in delight. "So, about that conversation we started a few days ago…"

Kaidan didn't care. He had remembered one more thing – she had said his name.

_______________

Serena massaged the back of her neck and leaned back in her chair. She had been staring at the datapad in front of her for over an hour. She was supposed to be studying the situation on Feros, but her thoughts kept drifting to Kaidan.

After showering and changing (forced by Dr. Chakwas for sanitation purposes), she had returned to the med bay to find Kaidan sleeping comfortably. Dr. Chakwas had left to get a bite to eat, and she was left alone with him. She had taken her time studying him, taking in his dark hair and thick eyebrows, wishing she could trace his features with her fingers. Had he actually thought she looked like an angel? She wished she could read his mind. After he woke up, she had been secretly glad that she had him all to herself, just like the first time they had talked in med bay.

When she finally did touch him, she had been surprised at her reaction to him. This was much more than flirting and joking around. His touch had woken something up inside of her – something she didn't even know she was capable of feeling. The desire, no, the _need_ to be with him overcame all her senses. She needed to feel him again, to be near him…and that scared the hell out of her. For the first time in her life, she was unsure of herself.

When it came to war and battle or settling disputes, she was in her element. But human emotions were way too complicated. That was why she had never allowed herself to get close to anyone. She told herself it was just the _Normandy _and the importance of the mission that they were on. She had grown accustomed to talking to each team member and asking for their opinion of the mission. Serena knew it was important for all crew members to express their concerns, and she took everything they said into consideration. She actually enjoyed getting to know her crew. But Kaidan was…different. She always looked forward to their talks and, the few times that they were alone, she had felt their connection to each other grow even stronger. She smiled at her reaction when Joker had walked into the med bay. She had foolishly been reminded of a time when she was a child and was caught stealing a piece of fruit. Kaidan was her forbidden fruit. He even had her acting like a bumbling fool. The bruise on her knee proved that.

The door to her room rang and Ashley walked in. "Hey, skipper."

She motioned for Ashley to sit down as she put down the datapad. "What's on your mind, Chief?"

"Well, we're going to be arriving at the Citadel in about half an hour, and I know you gave us twenty four hour shore leave."

Serena nodded. She had made the announcement after leaving the med bay. She could almost feel the sigh of relief among the crew. They were finally getting a break. She motioned for Ashley to continue.

"A bunch of us are getting together at Flux, and we wanted to know if you would join us."

Serena was surprised. She had never been invited out by anyone, let alone members of her crew. She liked this feeling – this friendship.

"You deserve a break, too, you know," Ashley continued. "You can't just stay holed up on the ship going over the next mission. Even Joker agreed to be away from his baby for a few hours. Granted, I had to convince him with copious amounts of alcohol."

Serena smiled at her. "I would love to join you."

Ashley smiled back. "Great! This'll be fun! We'll be going down there as soon as we dock," she said, getting up to leave. She paused at the door. "Oh, and wear something nice…no military attire. Tonight you're our friend, not our commander."

Serena watched her slip out the door before balking. Something nice? She was going to have to dig deep in her closet for _that_.

_______________

Kaidan took a sip of his drink, glad for the distraction. Naturally, Joker had gossiped to their squadmates about the scene in med bay. He could take a few jokes and taunts as long as it kept him from actually thinking about Shepard. He had stepped over the line when he had held her hand, but he just knew that she felt something there too. Screw the regs. He didn't know what he would have done had Joker not walked in at that moment.

He was surprised that Ashley had invited Tali, Garrus, and Wrex. She had seemed a little racist to him in the beginning, but knew that Shepard had suggested that Ashley get to know her squadmates. Liara had opted to stay on the ship, poring over some ancient Prothean cipher they had dug up in an earlier mission, but everyone else had made it.

His thoughts drifted back to Shepard. Had she stayed on the _Normandy_ as well? He hadn't wanted to check on her lest it add fuel to the rumors that were already going around about them. He turned back to the conversation just as Garrus was finishing a joke.

"So I said to him, I said 'And those pants are property of C-Sec, too'. And wouldn't you know, he actually took them off right in front of that krogan statue on the Presidium!" he finished, and the whole table roared with laughter.

"I got a good one. Even better than my last one," Joker said, wiping the tears from his eyes. They looked at him waiting for him to continue, but an odd expression came over his face. He was looking at something in front of him. "Oh. My. God."

Kaidan followed his gaze and almost spilled his drink in surprise. Shepard had just walked into Flux. She looked absolutely beautiful. Her snug jeans clung to her hips and her blouse slightly slipped off one shoulder showing her perfect, golden skin. Her long hair hung loose, and she ran her hand through it as she looked around. She looked clearly uncomfortable at the attention she was getting. It seemed to Kaidan that the whole club had stopped breathing at the sight of her. Ashley waved a hand over to her, and life resumed as she made her way to their table.

"Sorry I'm late," she said, sitting next to Ashley. "I ran into Admiral Hackett on the way here. Nothing important. Just pointless small talk."

The smell of orchids permeated the air around them. Kaidan almost closed his eyes in contentment.

"That guy better have something good to say after all the times we've saved the Alliance's ass," Wrex grumbled.

"Hey! No talking missions," Ashley reprimanded. "We're here to have fun. Round of drinks on me."

The next couple of hours were spent in good natured fun. They told jokes, shared funny stories, and drank. Kaidan couldn't remember the last time he had had such a good time. Tonight, Shepard was one of them. He noticed she didn't drink much, but she kept the conversation lively with her own stories and jokes. Little by little, however, they all began to make excuses to leave. It seemed strange to Kaidan that they all had something to do at the exact same moment. He caught Ashley's wink and Joker's grin as they left and understood that they were giving him and Shepard some time alone. Shepard had probably sensed the same thing as she noticed everyone leave.

"You don't have anywhere you suddenly have to be?" she asked him, a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Nope. Do you?"

"Nope." She leaned in across the table. "Can I ask you something?"

He nodded, holding his breath at what she was going to ask.

"Why did you leave me hanging back in the med bay?" she asked. "I swear, Joker probably had a field day talking about the way I acted."

Kaidan grinned. "I figured it was better to stay quiet than to open my mouth and make a fool of myself in front of him…and you."

She laughed. "You're good, Alenko. I need to remember when to keep my mouth shut." She leaned in again. "Hey, do you want to go somewhere quiet? I know the loud music is probably getting to you."

He honestly had not given any thought to the loud music or his migraines. Being with her was enough to make him forget that. However, he wasn't going to miss his opportunity to spend some time alone with her.

"Sure. I think I know just the place." She followed him out of the club, and he led her to the place that had captivated their attention the first time they were there. She smiled at him as they made their way to the railing. They were alone except for a couple cuddling in a dark corner.

"Ah yes, I remember this view," she said, placing her hands on the railing and looking out at the window.

Kaidan looked over at her, his back to the window. "So do I." He longed to reach over and pull her in his arms.

She blushed slightly. "Kaidan, I – I mean Alen – "

"It's okay." He placed a hand over hers. "Call me Kaidan. I like the way it sounds coming from you."

He heard her breath hitch, and her blush intensified. He was delighted that he could get such a reaction out of her. He was looking at the real Shepard, the woman behind the warrior. He doubted many people knew this side of her, and he counted himself lucky to be among those few.

"I think you've earned the right to call me by my first name, too," she countered. "It's Serena."

"Serena," he repeated, sounding it out and loving the way it rolled off his tongue. "How many others have this privilege?"

She turned back to the window looking thoughtful. She took a few moments before she looked back at him, an almost sad look on her face. The look was quickly replaced by a small smile as she looked him directly in the eyes. "Just you."


	5. Chapter 5

**_AN: So I was stuck studying for mid-terms this week and couldn't post this chapter up until now. This chapter is a different take than what actually happens between Kaidan and Shepard in Mass Effect. I really wanted to explore my own Shepard's feelings at this point in the "relationship" and, well, this is what came out. Don't worry, it'll only get better after this._**

Serena sighed contently into her pillow as she sprawled her body across the bed. Last night had been perfect. She had enjoyed herself immensely. Why hadn't she ever thought to do that before? She was glad she had taken Ashley up on her offer. Not only did she get to know her squad better, but she felt she had actually made some real friends. So this is what having friends felt like? She liked that feeling.

She hummed a nameless tune under her breath as she got dressed. They would be nearing Feros in a couple of days, and she would probably spend that time poring over datapads again. She washed her face and brushed her teeth, all the while thinking about Kaidan and the conversation they had shared.

"_I have to admit, Kaidan, no one has ever called me by my first name. It's always Commander or Shepard. I swear, people probably think my first name is 'Commander'." She laughed, slightly embarrassed that she was telling him that. "I doubt many people even know what my first name is."_

"_Well, your secret is safe with me," he winked at her, and she almost stopped breathing. How could a simple wink make her heart palpitate like crazy?_

Serena sighed, as she made her way into the mess hall and grabbed a cup of coffee. She nodded in greeting and smiled over at Kaidan who was fixing the control panel next to her room. She sat down as he smiled back, wiping the sweat from his brow before getting back to work. She leaned back in her chair, bringing the coffee close to her face and peered at him over the cup.

She took in his strong, muscular body and wondered what it would be like to be in his arms…without armor. Her heart sped up as she looked at his strong jaw, his full lips, his dark, sensitive eyes. Damn. Just looking at him got her all hot and bothered. She looked away and took a sip of her coffee. What the hell was wrong with her? She had made a promise to herself that she wasn't going to be drooling over him like a teenage girl. And yet, here she was doing just that.

She took another sip of her coffee and almost choked on the liquid as the realization hit her. _Shit_. She was falling for him. How could she be so stupid? She knew that her physical and emotional reaction to him was a clear indicator that he was starting to mean more to her than just a friend. But she never actually thought she would allow herself to get so deeply involved. Kaidan wasn't the kind of guy she could just flirt with and be done with it. He was long-term – something she definitely wasn't looking for.

She had to stop. It wasn't fair to either of them if she let these feelings continue. As much as she enjoyed being with him, she knew the relationship could never grow into something more than friendship. No, she _wouldn't_ let it grow into something more than friendship. She had to do something, and she had to do it _now_ before things got out of hand. She stood up hastily and went back to her cabin ignoring Kaidan's gaze. From now on, Kaidan Alenko was nothing more to her than a subordinate.

_______________

Kaidan tried to keep himself from gagging as he took off his armor. The smell of the Thorian still clung to his nose as he stuffed the armor in his locker. He would deal with cleaning it later. He was more concerned about Serena.

After Shiala transferred her knowledge of the Cipher into Serena's mind, she had looked pale and sick. Serena had brushed it off, blaming it on the Thorian's smell, but Kaidan knew better. She was good at hiding her emotions, but he had learned to read her eyes whenever her face showed him nothing. After the joining with Liara, she had looked even worse.

He was worried about her. Not just because of the joining with the asari, but because she had been avoiding him for the past three days. Other than her orders during the mission on Feros, she had hardly said two words to him about anything else.

The night they had spent talking on the Citadel had been magical. She had opened up to him – something he knew she had never done with anyone. She, in turn, had also opened up something inside of him. She made him forget about the world around them. When he was with her, only they existed. She was beautiful, strong, compassionate…she could easily have any man she wanted. Yet, she had chosen _him _to share her feelings with.

But something had happened between the time they had returned back to the ship and the next morning. What had he done wrong? He had tried reading her eyes during those moments when he thought she wouldn't notice, but she always managed to turn her gaze away from him. He felt…hurt. He was sure that she had also felt the growing connection between them. Had he misinterpreted those rare moments with her? Had he let his own feelings for her make him believe that she was feeling the same thing when she really wasn't?

He looked up and was surprised to find himself outside her room. He had been so lost in his thoughts, he hadn't been paying much attention to where his feet were taking him. Was this a sign that he should talk to her? He shook his head. And say what? _Hi, Serena, I just wanted to know why you've been avoiding me._ Yeah, right. He turned around to leave when he heard the door open behind him. Damn.

"Kaidan?" she asked, clearly surprised that he was hanging around outside her room. "Did you need something?"

At the sound of his name, he felt his heart speed up. This was his chance to talk to her, to ask her if he had just imagined their connection, if she felt the same way he felt about her.

"I…uh, just wanted to see how you're doing," he said lamely. Now that she was actually standing in front of him, he couldn't bring himself to ask her about her feelings for him.

"I'm fine," she said, and he almost winced at the cold way she had said it.

He rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing what to say next. It felt like all those moments they had shared privately together had never happened. She was back to being Commander Shepard, not Serena. He nodded and turned away, feeling stupid.

She had a lot on her mind. He wouldn't bother her anymore. If she wanted to talk, she would. If not…well, he would get over it. In the meantime, he had some last minute plans he needed to take care of.

_______________

Serena was annoyed. Dr. Chakwas had pulled rank and forced her to stay in the med bay. She had tried to explain that there was nothing wrong with her. Her nightmares from the beacon and the joining with Shiala and Liara had left her feeling sick and exhausted, but she wasn't about to admit that. She would bear the pain because she had to – these visions would help her bring Saren down. She thought she was doing a damn good job of acting like she was fine, yet Dr. Chakwas still insisted that she remain in med bay.

She had already been there for an hour when she decided to sneak out. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and started putting on her boots. Dr. Chakwas had left a few minutes earlier, and Serena could only assume she had gone to get something to eat. Well, _she_ was also hungry and decided that that was a good enough excuse should she run into the doc.

The door opened as she approached it, and she was struck by how oddly quiet it was. She took a step out and an explosion of voices rocked her back against the wall.

"Surprise!"

Serena looked around at everybody. It seemed the whole _Normandy_ crew was crowded around the mess hall.

"We were wondering how long it would take you to sneak out of med bay," Dr. Chakwas went up to her and led her to the nearest table.

Serena sat down, still in shock. The crew had dispersed, content that they had scared her half to death and were now breaking apart to chat with each other. "What's going on?" she asked, glancing around the room.

"Lieutenant Alenko kindly reminded us about your birthday," Dr. Chakwas responded sitting next to her.

Serena looked over at Kaidan, who was on the other side of the room talking to Joker.

"Kaidan did this?" she asked, surprised. She suddenly felt ashamed at the way she had been treating him.

Dr. Chakwas nodded. "He's been planning it all week, made everybody swear not to say anything. He wanted it to be a surprise. I promised to keep you in the med bay while he gathered everybody and set everything up."

Serena didn't know what to say. She hadn't taken her eyes off Kaidan. She watched as he laughed at something Joker said, and she suddenly realized that she missed him. She had been so intent on keeping the distance between them, not understanding that the more she stayed away from him, the more she longed to be with him. It had been three days since their talk on the Citadel, but it felt like an eternity. Several times, she had almost relented, but each time she stopped and reminded herself that it would only lead to more problems. She couldn't believe that he had done this for her, even after the horrible way she had been acting when she was around him.

She spent the next couple of hours enjoying her birthday party. She mingled with members of the crew and knew they were glad it was her birthday – if only because it gave them a chance to think of something other than the mission. She was also glad for the distraction. She talked and laughed, all the while thinking of Kaidan, who had suddenly disappeared. She slipped out to the elevator, though she doubted anyone actually noticed she had gone. She made her way down to the cargo hold and saw Kaidan sitting on the table that Ashley used to clean the guns, his legs hanging over the side.

They were alone. The crew members that usually occupied the cargo hold were still upstairs enjoying the party. Kaidan looked up as she approached him, but he didn't move. She sat down next to him and felt his muscles tense when she squeezed his arm.

"Thank you," she said softly. Words couldn't express how much this meant to her. "I've never had a birthday party before. In fact, I don't think I've _ever_ celebrated my birthday before."

He remained silent, but when he turned to her, surprise showed in his eyes.

"The only birthday I remember was when I turned eighteen," she continued. "That was the day I joined the Alliance."

He cleared his throat. "I'm glad you enjoyed the party." He reached behind him and pulled out a small package. "Happy birthday."

Serena's heart stopped as she took the package. No one had ever done something like this for her. She carefully unwrapped it, and her breath caught in her throat as she looked at his gift. It was a small, flat, circular medallion attached to a leather strap. She ran her thumb across the image that was carved on the medallion.

"It's a sun," he explained. "No matter how dark it is, you'll always have the sun with you."

He had remembered. Their first conversation in the med bay…he remembered she was scared of the dark. It was too much for her. Tears sprung to her eyes, and she quickly leapt off the table so that he wouldn't see. She clutched the gift to her heart. When was the last time she had cried? When had she ever felt this kind of emotion? She took a deep breath and fought the tears that were threatening to spill down her face. Kaidan was the only person who had ever elicited such an emotional response from her. He was the only one who could make her just _feel_.

She turned back to him. He had gotten off the table, a confused look on his face. She was at a loss for words. How could she tell him that this meant the world to her?

"I-If you don't like it – "

She ran up to him, her arms wrapping around him in a tight embrace. She felt him bring his own arms around her waist. She inhaled his scent, her body yearning for her to explore his mouth, his taste. His body was every bit as strong and hard as she had imagined it, and the heat that radiated off of him brought alive her own fever. She could have stayed holding him forever. The need that she had for him made her, reluctantly, let him go. She couldn't give in to that need, no matter how much her body and her heart wanted it.

He looked at her as she pulled back, a hint of regret briefly showing in his eyes. They had hugged for only a few seconds, but it had to be enough to last her a lifetime.

_______________

Kaidan leaned back against the table watching her leave. He ran his hands through his hair as he fought to calm his racing heart. After three days of no contact between them, a hug had nearly done him in. He was still enveloped in her scent, could still feel her body pressed against his own. She had felt so good in his arms, like she belonged there. He never wanted to let her go.

He had seen the tears in her eyes when she saw his gift. He knew she would like it, but he never imagined her reaction to it. At first, he thought that he had upset her somehow. But her words slowly came back to his mind.

"_The only birthday I remember was when I turned eighteen. That was the day I joined the Alliance."_

This was the first time someone had actually taken the time to do something for her, to give her something. She had spent her life fighting – on Earth, Elysium, and now on the trek to find Saren – that she had never paused to enjoy something as simple as a birthday. Kaidan now understood the reason she had placed that distance between them. She was scared.

He would give her time. No matter how much he convinced himself otherwise, he would never be able to get over her. He now realized that he had fallen for her the moment he had met her. Those feelings had only grown more intense after spending time with her, getting to know the _real_ Commander Shepard. No…he could never get over her. He was already too much in love with her.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: For BlizzardAngel, who gave me the gentle nudge to get over my writer's block. Thanks for your support!**_

"What the hell are you doing, Williams?" Serena asked into the comm.

"Making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what," Ashley responded. "It's done, Commander. Go get the lieutenant and get the hell out of here."

"Belay that," Kaidan came over the comm. "We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Williams."

So this is what it came down to. As much as Serena wanted to rescue both, she knew it would be impossible. She had seen this scene played out so many times before and never envied the CO that had to make such a decision. She leaned against the railing and looked up at the sky. Garrus and Wrex looked away, each probably trying to give her some room. There was no doubt in her mind who she was going to rescue. As a commander, it was the obvious choice. As a friend, it just made it that much harder.

"Alenko, radio Joker and tell him to meet us on the AA tower," she finally said into her comm.

Kaidan was hesitant, but she knew he would never disobey an order. "Yes, Commander, I – "

"You know it's the right choice, LT," Ashley interjected.

Serena opened up a private channel on her comm to Ashley. "I'm sorry, Ash. I had to make a choice."

"I understand, Commander. I don't regret a thing." Ashley paused briefly before adding, "And, skipper? Don't let him go. Life is too short to push away the people you love."

Serena swallowed the lump in her throat. Her voice was hoarse with the emotion she was trying to fight. "Duly noted, Chief. Now, go make me proud."

"Aye, aye, ma'am." And the comm clicked off.

______________

Kaidan swore. So far, Serena had done everything in her power to give him and the salarians a fighting chance against the geth. He knew she had chosen him to go with Captain Kirahhe because he was her "unofficial" second in command. She would lead one team while he led the other. He also knew why she had chosen to rescue him. It had nothing to do with their feelings for each other…whatever they were. It was because he was the superior officer, and he had a team of salarians with him. But knowing this didn't make the pain of losing Ashley any easier. If Serena had her way, she would have saved them all.

The geth had them pinned on the AA tower. They were overwhelmed, and Kaidan knew it.

"Commander, you need to move fast. We can't hold these things off much longer," he called into the comm. He moved toward the center of the tower hoping to divert the geths' attention to him, away from the salarians. He could hear his shields sizzle from their shots before he took cover behind a wall. "Watch the corners! Suppressing fire!"

He fired a few shots at the incoming geth, but they quickly overheated his pistol. They were starting to flank him. He set up a biotic barrier and tried to reserve his energy. He could see the geth moving towards him, shooting, causing his barrier to dangerously glow red. A few more shots and he would be defenseless. He was exhausted and didn't know if he had anything left in him to be able to use his biotics. More shots rang out, and he chanced a peek around the barrier, ready to use the last of his energy to kill as many geth as he could. He was glad to see it was Serena who had fired those last shots, saving him from the geth.

"Glad to see you're still alive, Alenko," she said, giving him a small smile.

"Thanks to you, Commander," he replied, surprised at her smile. It almost seemed like Serena was breaking through again. A loud noise overhead caused them all to look up. Saren appeared, and Serena pushed Kaidan back behind the barrier.

"Take cover!" she shouted as the rest of the team ran, following her order.

Kaidan was bunkered with the wall and the barrier as his shields. He couldn't see Serena, but he could hear her trying to convince Saren that Sovereign was using him. Saren wasn't falling for it. Kaidan could hear that Saren's voice had an edge to it. He heard Serena grunt, and he quickly looked out from behind his cover. Saren had grabbed her by the neck and was dangling her over the tower. Kaidan's heart jumped to his throat. He was afraid to do something, afraid that Saren would let her go if he interfered.

"No!" he cried out, causing Saren to turn to him instead.

Serena took advantage of Saren's distraction and punched him in the face. Startled, Saren dropped her and fell back. Kaidan watched her slip over the edge, frantically clawing the ground as she tried to pull herself up. Kaidan ran to her, ignoring everything else around him. He grabbed both her arms and pulled up causing her to fly over the edge and land on top of him. She sat up, straddling him as she pulled out her pistol looking for Saren. But it was too late, Saren was gone.

_______________

Serena was exhausted, emotionally and physically. The last joining with Liara had left her feeling drained and sick, but at least now they knew where the Conduit was. She would have to address the crew. She needed to make sure everyone was ok. They still had Saren on the loose, and Serena needed everyone to be focused on the mission. She would not rest until Saren was dead.

She had already contacted the Alliance and Ashley's family. That had left her feeling even worse. It had been hard enough having to talk to Ashley's mom without the guilt stabbing Serena in the heart. It was Serena's fault Ashley was dead, but she just couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.

She kept seeing Ashley's face every time she closed her eyes. Ashley cleaning the guns, Ashley buying everyone drinks at Flux, Ashley regaling her with stories of her family, Ashley on the battlefield. She had lost people before, but Ashley had been a friend. Just like every other member of the _Normandy_. Serena had taken her time, getting to know the crew, making friends. _This is what happened when you opened up to people_, she thought, _you lose them, and the world collapses around you_.

She stepped into the shower and tried to let the water wash away her thoughts. Thoughts not only of the mission and Ashley but also of Ashley's words.

_Life is too short to push away the people you love_.

Love. Something Serena had never expected to feel. This was the feeling that Kaidan had woken up inside of her. Was this what she was so scared of? She hadn't just fallen for Kaidan, she was in love with him. The realization didn't catch her off guard this time. The week that she had spent avoiding him got her thinking about her feelings for him. He was the only person she had allowed into her heart, the only one that made her feel like she was _alive_. Her hand reached up to touch the medallion that was hanging from her neck. She had never taken it off since Kaidan gave it to her. She even wore it under her armor and uniform.

Love. All the feelings suddenly came flooding through her in one intense emotion. She sat down on the shower floor and hugged her knees to her chest. The water continued to rain down on her just as she let the tears run down her face. She let everything out…29 years of pent up emotions, 29 years of sadness, joy, anger, pain. Her body wracked with the sobs she had never allowed herself to release, and she cried until there was nothing left inside.

_______________

Kaidan rubbed his hands over his face. He was still dealing with Ashley's death. Dealing…that's what he had told Serena. She had made her usual rounds with the crew, asking how everyone was doing, making sure they still had their head in the game. Kaidan wasn't fooled. He knew that she blamed herself for Ashley's death no matter how much she told him that it was Saren's fault they had lost a friend. She had cried, he could see it in her eyes, but all she worried about was how her crew was doing. Nobody asked how she felt, how she was…dealing. Everyone was lost in their own grief.

He had also noticed that something about Serena had changed. Her words to him had been laced with concern and understanding, yet her eyes reflected something else…something he couldn't quite put his finger on.

He heard the comm system on the _Normandy_ click on, and Serena's voice filled the ship. He stood still, looking up at the speakers as though Serena herself was somewhere above him.

"Today, we lost a valued member of our crew. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams was a model soldier and a dear…friend." She paused, and he could hear the pain in her voice. "She gave her life so that we can continue our fight against Saren. Let's make her proud."

The comm clicked off. Kaidan remained where he was unsure of what to do. The rest of the crew had gone back to their duties, and he began walking back to his station when he saw Serena out of the corner of his eye. She had her head down and she was walking fast, a sure sign she didn't want anyone to bother her. He followed her and placed a hand on her shoulder just as she had reached the entrance to her cabin.

Serena stopped and turned around, but didn't bring her head up. Kaidan moved his hand from her shoulder to her chin, and he gently brought her head up. Her eyes were filled with tears. He knew that she was fighting desperately to keep her emotions in check.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and his brow furrowed at her words. "For everything. You didn't deserve to be treated like that…I just – " A single tear rolled down her cheek, and he wiped it away with his thumb.

"You don't have to be sorry for anything," he answered gruffly. Suddenly she was in his arms, her head crying silently into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. He never wanted to let her go.

_______________

Serena fell back against her locker, defeated. Stupid Council. Why were they so ignorant of the Reaper threat? She took a deep breath and leaned her head back.

"Commander?"

Serena opened her eyes to see Kaidan standing in front of her, a worried look on his face. She quickly cast her eyes down, embarrassed. The last time they had been alone she had made a fool of herself and cried all over him. His shirt had been practically completely soaked by the time she had composed herself. She had thought she had gotten everything out of her system in the shower, but apparently she still had quite a few tears left. _Damn Kaidan and the power he had over her_, she thought with a slight smile. It was like she had been keeping all those emotions in a tightly sealed bottle and Kaidan was the only one who could remove the lid.

"Lieutenant," she said, finally acknowledging him.

He sat down next to her, his shoulder rubbing against her own as he, too, leaned back against the lockers.

"Hell of a thing," he said, and she smiled at his words.

"Hell of a thing," she repeated and looked over at him. "Kaidan, I – "

"I know," he interrupted.

Serena blinked. She had been about to apologize again, to explain everything that she was feeling, but one look in his eyes told her he, somehow, already knew.

"So what now?" he asked.

She shrugged and looked away. Was he talking about them or the fact that the _Normandy_ was grounded? She decided to go for the latter. "I need to come up with a plan. We need to get to Ilos."

He nudged her gently with his shoulder and smiled. "You have something up your sleeve?" he asked. "What am I saying, when don't you? That's what I lo – …appreciate about you." He stood up and reached down holding out his hand to pull her up.

Serena put her hand in his and found herself slamming into his body. One arm, instinctively, swung around his neck, while her other hand still stayed curled in his. He linked his fingers with hers, and she looked up at him surprised. He had stopped smiling. Their eyes locked and, suddenly, she couldn't seem to catch her breath. His gaze was intense…serious. He leaned in closer, and her heart pounded uncontrollably. She could feel the heat rushing in her veins. She closed her eyes in anticipation, feeling his warm breath against her lips.

"Sorry to interrupt, Commander," Joker's voice suddenly boomed over them. "Got a message from Captain Anderson. Said to meet him at Flux."

Serena pulled back, annoyed at the interruption. They had been _this_ close. She was still fighting to catch her breath.

Kaidan cleared his throat. "Well, I guess you'd better go then," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. He looked down and shifted his weight to take a step back.

"_We'd_ better go," she said, and he looked up surprised. "Meet me at the airlock in ten."

"Aye, ma'am." He brushed his arm over hers as he walked by her to leave.

Before Serena could think twice about it, she grabbed his arm and spun him around. She placed a hand on his chest and leaned up to give him a kiss on the cheek. She could feel his muscles tense beneath her fingertips as she moved back.

She walked to her cabin and locked the door behind her. She sagged against the door and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her heart. She could still feel it pumping wildly beneath her chest. She rested her head on the door and closed her eyes. She wasn't afraid anymore. Ashley made her realize that. Life was too short to push away the people you love. And she was never going to let Kaidan go.

_______________

Kaidan couldn't move. His cheek still burned where her lips had made contact. He exhaled slowly and suddenly realized he had been holding his breath. His hand reached up to touch his cheek. _Damn Joker_, he thought. _Always picking the worst moment to interrupt_. A few more seconds and he would have been able to finally taste her. Well, a kiss on the cheek would have to do for now.

Something had definitely changed about her. She had finally come to terms with his feelings for him. Maybe Ashley's death had her rethinking how she felt about him. Kaidan shrugged to himself, slowly making his way to the elevator. Whatever it was, he sure as hell wasn't going to stop her. Kaidan needed Serena in his life, and, no matter what happened, he was never going to let her go.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Author's Note: So, yay! I finally finished the last chapter for "Breathe". I'm sorry for taking so long! It took me a while to actually get started on this chapter (work and school, ugh!) and when I finally got going, I didn't even want to wait for my beta to look over it (sorry Kat!). I wanted to continue Serena's and Kaidan's story into ME2 so I've started working on a sequel which I'm calling "Just Breathe". Be on the lookout for it! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It really made me feel special knowing that there are people out there who like what I write. Thanks again, and I love you guys!**_

Serena finished drying off and pulled on her usual pajamas and tank top. She quickly ran a brush through her wet hair and sat back down in front of her desk. She must have gone over the Ilos datapad a hundred times already, but she resolutely set herself to read it again. The door to her room rang and a lone figure stepped in.

Kaidan's eyes took a few seconds to adjust in the dim room. He hesitated, still not sure this had been a good idea. When he finally located her sitting at her desk, he lost his breath. She stood up, and he took in her appearance. She was wearing those pajamas again. The pants hung seductively low on her hips, and the tank top she was wearing only accentuated her curves. He almost gasped as his gaze moved further up. She was wearing the necklace he had given her.

Serena waited. She could feel the heat rushing through her body as Kaidan looked her over. _Breathe_, she reminded herself, _just breathe_. His eyes reached hers and Serena was thankful for the relative darkness of the room. She could feel the blush creeping into her cheeks.

"Commander," he said, finally making his way toward her.

Serena smiled, crossing her arms over her chest. "You probably shouldn't call me that. After everything that's happened, I don't think I'll be a 'Commander' after the mission is over."

"We're a hell of an example of humanity's best and brightest, huh?" Kaidan said. He tried to focus on their conversation, but that was hard to do considering she was so close to him.

Serena shook her head. "I keep reminding myself we're doing the right thing."

"If I didn't think you were doing the right thing, I wouldn't be here." He paused. He needed to tell her how he felt. Flirting was one thing, but this was more than that. He needed to make sure that she knew that. "If things don't go well, I just want you to know – well, I've enjoyed serving under you." _That was lame_, he thought to himself.

Serena took a step closer. They were almost touching. "Kaidan," she said quietly, "you stopped being a subordinate a long time ago."

Kaidan's heart raced at these words. "You're right. About everything." He took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. _Here goes nothing. _"I think about losing you and I can't stand it. The galaxy will just keep going. Everything, even the Reapers, will come around again. But you and I, _we_ are what's important right now," he paused, trying to choose his words carefully. "Serena, you make me feel…human."

Serena furrowed her brow at what he said, but she understood. After years of being treated like some sort of pariah, Kaidan felt like himself around her. She smiled and reached up to touch his cheek. She wanted him to stay the night with her, but she was afraid he would reject her. He was right that this opportunity would probably never come around again, and she needed him to understand.

"Kaidan, I've never…I-I mean, this is the first time…"

Serena looked away, clearly uncomfortable. Kaidan didn't understand what she was trying to tell him, and then it dawned on him. His hand moved up and he took her hand in his. She looked at him, surprise showing in her eyes.

"Sex means being intimate with someone," she began, "and I've never allowed myself to get close to anyone. Until now."

She finally looked at him, and Kaidan's breath caught at the intensity in her eyes. He had thought about this moment for so long, but his thoughts were nothing compared to the real thing. He brought her closer, running his fingers through her long hair, drinking in her scent. She was telling him that she belonged to him and only him, and his heart pounded in his chest with anticipation.

Serena knew that Kaidan was the one she was meant to be with. She could feel it in her heart. She leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his body next to hers. She brought her arms around his neck and their lips finally met.

Kaidan let out a small groan against Serena's lips. His arms went around her waist, pressing her body to his. He deepened the kiss, savoring her sweet taste. She was everything he had ever imagined…and a whole lot more. His hands moved over her back, desperate to touch all of her. He couldn't get enough of her. The passion that he felt in her kiss only made his need grow stronger.

Serena fought to catch her breath. She felt Kaidan quickly pull his shirt over his head before resuming the kiss. Serena was in heaven. Kaidan's scent was intoxicating, and his body heat made her delirious. He grabbed the back of her thighs and pulled her up, causing her to wrap her legs around his waist. The sensations he was inciting in her were both terrifying and exciting, yet she was not afraid. She knew Kaidan would never hurt her.

Serena's body was wrapped around Kaidan so intimately, it took all he had to control himself. He carried her over to the bed where he gently set her down. He needed this to be perfect for her. He didn't know what the next day would bring, but he did know what he felt at that very moment. The word itself might not have been spoken, but Kaidan knew it was there. Serena would never have given herself to him if she didn't have strong feelings for him just as he would never have slept with her had he not felt those same feelings himself.

Serena leaned back on the bed and looked up at Kaidan. His eyes were warm as he placed his body next to hers, bracing himself on one arm while the other reached out to cup the side of her face. This was their moment. She would forever hold this night close to her heart. Kaidan leaned down and took over her mouth once more. Serena closed her eyes in contentment and lost herself in his kiss.

_______________

Serena relished the feel of the adrenaline that pumped through her veins. She could see the relay before her. They had less than a minute to get to it. Easy enough – unless you counted the four Colossus' that were in the way. It would be impossible to fight them and still get to the relay in time. She would just have to gun it.

She took a deep breath and turned to look at Kaidan sitting next to her and then at Wrex and Garrus in the back seat. "Everybody hold on," she said before turning back and slamming her foot on the accelerator.

"Great," she heard Wrex grunt, "the last time she said that she ran us right into a juggernaut."

"Shepard, you're not gonna ram the Mako into one of those Colossus', are you?" Garrus asked, gripping the edge of his seat tightly.

Serena couldn't respond. She was trying to dodge the geth and maneuver the vehicle at the same time. _This had better work_, she thought to herself. 15 seconds…10 seconds. She gunned the accelerator and the Mako launched itself into the relay. She felt the familiar lurch of the mass accelerator in her stomach. The next few seconds were spent in darkness before the Mako reappeared on the Presidium. The vehicle's wheels squealed as they touched ground and, before Serena had a chance to press on the brakes, they crashed into the nearest wall.

_______________

Saren was finally defeated. Kaidan was both thrilled and exhausted. He had used all his biotic energy to bring Saren down. He limped toward Wrex, who was helping Garrus up. They both gave him triumphant smiles before he turned around to look for Serena. She was on the ledge above them.

"We did it!" she said, smiling down at them. "Saren's dead."

Kaidan smiled back, but his relief was only temporary. He noticed the window behind her. Pieces of _Sovereign_ were breaking through the glass and into the tower.

Serena turned around before yelling out to them. "Run!"

Kaidan couldn't move. The last huge piece of the Reaper ship came crashing down. No matter where she would try to run, the debris was still going to crush her. He had to save her. He mustered up what little biotic energy he had left and caught her in a biotic throw. Kaidan fell back, drained and tired, as the ship crashed down. His last thought before blacking out was of Serena and whether he had succeeded in moving her out of harm's way.

_______________

Serena groaned in pain. Her muscles felt like they were on fire. She slowly sat up taking in the scene before her. Her right arm hung limply at her side, and she gritted her teeth as she placed her shoulder back in its socket. She stood up, pushing the debris away from her body and cradling her right arm. What the hell happened?

She remembered telling her squad to run when she saw a piece of _Sovereign_ on a collision course with the Citadel Tower. The next thing she knew, she was being thrown across the tower, away from the falling ship. Kaidan had thrown her. That was the only explanation. He had saved her life.

Her heart jumped to her throat as she thought of Kaidan, Wrex and Garrus. The debris had landed right where they were standing. _No_, she thought, moving as fast she could to the other end of the tower, _I can't lose anyone else_.

She saw flashes of light and knew that a rescue crew had arrived. She sped up, ignoring the burning pain in her muscles. They had to be ok. _He_ had to be ok. Serena climbed over the debris, holding her breath at what she would see. Relief washed over her when she saw Captain Anderson standing with her squad.

She threw a look at Wrex and Garrus to make sure they were ok before setting her eyes on Kaidan. She saw a corner of his mouth turn up into a slight smile as she made her way down. She managed a quick nod to Captain Anderson as she walked past him, but she only had eyes for Kaidan. She fell into his arms and almost cried in relief. It was over, and they were ok.

_______________

Kaidan wrapped his arms around Serena, holding her tightly against him. He buried his face in her hair not caring that Captain Anderson, Wrex and Garrus were there. She was safe and that was all that mattered to him.

They had survived. Kaidan knew that there was still a lot to be done, but at the moment all he could think about was Serena. Whatever greater power existed in the universe had certainly been looking out for them. He would take advantage of that chance and make the most of their time together. One thing was for sure: he was never going to let her out of his sight again.

_______________

Serena fell back against her bed, exhausted. After the battle with Saren and the meeting with the Council, all she wanted to do was sleep for days. She hadn't even bothered to change out of her armor. The door to her room swished open, but she didn't look up. She recognized the footsteps and managed to open her eyes just as Kaidan sat down next to her. She turned her head to look at him.

Kaidan leaned down to give Serena a quick kiss on the forehead before beginning the process of removing her armor. She didn't move or say anything, but he caught her sigh of content. He took off her boots, arm and leg pieces, and finally her body armor until she was lying on the bed in just a tank top and tight shorts. He placed the armor off to the side of the bed before making his way next to her.

Kaidan's body heat was making her drowsy. She scooted closer to him and sighed again. This was perfection. She wanted this forever. He made her feel complete…like she had been missing something in her life and didn't realize it until had Kaidan stepped in. She drew her arm across his stomach and pulled herself tightly against him. Her last thought before falling asleep was that, no matter what happened, her heart would always belong to him.


End file.
